so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
