She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
