is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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