wat bout pragnant strippers??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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