omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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