he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
