i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We just shotgunned beers for America
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
