There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
