All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He better not be in your backpack
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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