You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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