you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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