even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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