God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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