you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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