You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
