this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
