Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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