weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
