still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
