Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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