theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
