Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think my moral compass just broke
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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