no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
