roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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