at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
