I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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