I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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