where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
