ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
