did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is the high leading the old right now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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