never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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