in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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