When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
