she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize