all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
