I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
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Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?