why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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