I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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