Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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