Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
