My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
