wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
