she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face