I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
