he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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