dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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