I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize