I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
