....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's the barista slut.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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