this boner is exhausting
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
