If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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