I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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