lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
