Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
