porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
