Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
