i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
