nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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