Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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