Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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