I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
