dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
