why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize